In Local News...

...this guy had a cramp of some sort.

A pretty bad one. In the time it took me to dig my phone out of my purse, and switch it into camera mode - he was still squeezing his bum. Also, it was not like this was a low-traffic area. He was standing at an intersection during five o'clock traffic. The reason I was sitting in the same place for so long is because I couldn't merge over due to the high traffic volume.

I love it when stuff like this happens.

Now to the weather:

Freakin' hot.

Plan A

So my good friend, the Wu, and I are marching forward with Plan A. You know, Plan A.

Plan A has it's own blogspot now and it can be found at: fifthandbrookplace.blogspot.com. Or over to the right on my 'favorite stops' list. Stop in and take a look around. Please?

Needless to say, we're really excited about the journey. We've got our first (self-inflicted) gig next Monday night. This is a big deal because we'll be performing for our first real audience. As of late, we've been practicing in front of our backpacks, a trash can and a magazine cut out of McDreamy from Grey's. They've served the purpose but have not given much feedback.

I'll be sure to let you know (hi Mom!) how it goes.

One Thing's For Sure...

Dedicated to Curly. And me. And the pursuit of happiness in relation to the male gender.

Ner Ner Nee Ner Nee Ner Nee Ner Ner.

Well. My folks and I went the fair this evening. We scoped out the animals, the food court and the other people.

People at the fair just behave differently. Some people in the food court literally act like that food is going out of style (not judging - I definitely enjoyed my milkshake). Those same people are generally the ones who have discovered some sort of aphrodisiac in the corn on the cob or the Pronto Pups. They're the ones that don't walk side by side but sandwich style with their free hands in their loved one's pockets. Fair time p.d.a.'s are saucy. Literally. Lots of condiments floating around.

I did not find love in the food court but did meet this little fella in the 4-H barn...

...and I would have taken him home in a heart beat. I tried to scope out the farm boys in the cattle barn but they seemed pretty preoccupied with, what I thought was, the cow parade. Come to find out it was the pre-slaughter auction - that ruined the cattle barn experience.

We walked around until our legs felt like they were going to fold and then called it a night. Thank you, Fair. See you next year.

Look Out, Craigslist.

I've had the luxury of being home over the last couple weeks. I got busy with my jobs and forgot that I never really finished decorating my little pad. So. Someone flipped a switch in my head and I've gone deco-nuts.

Last night - I looked over at my table and decided I didn't like it so I sold it on Craigslist this afternoon. Now I am looking for what I originally wanted (a 1950's chrome and formica - preferably yellow - set) and won't settle for anything less. Like this:

I also want a new couch. Unfortunately I want this couch:

...I may have to wait a while.

And to go with the sweet couch - I may need this sweet bookcase:

I know it's a lot of red - but the entire apartment is WHITE as white can be and needs a splash of color. I may have come up with an alternative to the white and it involves stretching a some fab-fabric over a homemade frame to cover a big chunk of white wall in my nook/kitchen (it's a studio...you can barely compartmentalize anything).

This is a relatively self-indulgent post. This is what happens when you have a lot of ideas and no money to fund them...

Maybe I'll redecorate my blog? More people see that than my apartment.

Miss Independent

I consider myself pretty independent. I learned last night, however, that the depth of a person's independence is equal to the depth of their knowledge.

I don't know how to change a tire.

Independence flies out the window when it's 10:15 at night and you've got a flat. I called my dad immediately and within twenty minutes, my own personal Triple A arrived.

I made an attempt at preparing the way by removing the jack from the compartment and putting it in the proper position. I also removed the plastic wheel cover as instructed by the laminated diagram that was also in the jack compartment. I tried to loosen the lugnuts but there was no give.

From the time he arrived until the time the spare was secured in place, it seemed like only five minutes had passed. Had I tried to be tire-savvy and replace it myself, the Lord himself probably would have had time to come back and fix it. Thanks, Dad.

Independent schmindependent. The second draft of my personal ad should now read, "SWF seeks SWM to build treehouse, carry in groceries (when SWF goes grocery shopping), and be on hand to change a flat (so my dad doesn't have to)."

Oh, also, "Make out a little."

That is all.

The Scoop.

If you are a professional dog walker, the most essential element for successful dog walking aside from the leash and the dog itself is the poop bag.

I was strolling along with one of my favorite furry friends last Saturday. This one rarely makes use of a public restroom so when I realized that I had left the poop bag behind, I was alarmed but not panicked.

Until we rounded the corner on our last leg and the pup started to slow down and waddle a little. Disaster. The only redemption to said disaster would have been to briskly finish the walk and drive back with the poop bag before anyone noticed. That was plan A.

When she had finished her business, I looked around and moved forward - knowing what my intentions were. All of the sudden I hear the door handle twist from the front door and the door whip open. "YOOOOOOOUUU PICK THAT UP!" The old man at the door was apparently not taking any crap from anyone. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I forgot my bag! I'll be right back! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!" I cowered as I walked forward. "WHY DO YOU THINK I HAVE BROWN SPOTS ON MY LAWN? PEOPLE LIKE YOU."

Of course I said I was sorry again- but I wanted to whip out my experience from the lawn care industry. Like, "Sir I know you're upset but have you considered the possibility that your lawn might be suffering from billbug infestation?"

Engage plan B - briskly walking back to the truck and driving back to the scene of the crime under intense fear of the old guy and his browning lawn. Would he still be standing at the door with the fury steaming from his ears...worse yet would he be holding a shot gun? Had he already contacted the police?

He wasn't and didn't. I scooped and drove away. I couldn't help but think...that was a really low point in my career.

Gross-eries.

I made my monthly trip to the store two nights ago. I made the mistake of going after work. When you go after work, you make the decision to go to the store with everyone else in the world. Also, you're probably pretty hungry.

I was hungry. And that produced a cart full of this:

1. Ritz Crackers. Something for the Easy Cheese (not pictured) to go on. I didn't know where to find the Easy Cheese at first. I was afraid I was going to have to ask the grocer. "Excuse me, where could I find a can of Easy Cheese?" "Oh, that's on the 'crap you should never put into your body' aisle."

2. Eight packages of Ramen for the budget conscious lunch-eater.

3. The reason I wake up in the morning: Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

4. California Pizza Kitchen pizza. I'm having someone over for dinner on Thursday and I can't cook.

5. Stouffers Spaghetti.

6. Ground turkey - the healthiest item in my cart.

7. Shredded cheese to make the ground turkey taste good.

8. And finally...frozen meatballs. I don't have anything to put with the meatballs. They just sounded good at 5:45 p.m. on an empty stomach. This morning? They don't sound that good.

Maybe next time I'll make a list. I can assure you the decision to buy Easy Cheese was purely on impulse.

"Whatcha gonna do...

...when they come for you?"

Who wants to come home to this?

A couple weekends ago, I was driving home to my apartment after another night of housesitting. This cop was on my tail for at least five blocks and I was in panic mode. The mode intensified when I parked in front of my building and the cop car pulled in directly in front of me.

I hopped out of the truck and walked toward the door as another police car whipped in and parked right behind the first one (as depicted in the photo above).

First thought? They found out about that car I stole.

I gingerly approached Officer # 2 and said, "Is everything ok?" "Yes." "Can I go in?" "Yes. Unless you are apart of the party we're about to break up."

I about said what about these pajama bottoms makes you think that I may have just left a party? And. It's seven in the morning...the only thing I just left was the drive through at McDonalds.

Turns out some beer pong tournaments don't wrap up until 7 a.m. Some neighbors really are that obnoxious.

My Happy Rant: Addendum 1.

In addition to being totally grateful for my extra work, today I'm really tired. Again - very grateful for the work...very grumpy from the actual work.

I walked three dogs over the lunch hour in the rain in addition to administering meds to one of 'em and swabbing where the sun don't shine. It's a good thing I love animals more than most people (it's not that I don't love people a great deal - it's a very small margin).

Tonight, when I lay down, I will resume my thanksgiving sans the grump but for the next twenty minutes or so, I'm going to dry off, warm up and exhale loudly.

The Mighty Huntress

Whilst housesitting for my parents last Sunday night, I thought I lost their dog. I let her out to use the outdoor facilities. Forty-five minutes later, I had forgotten about her. This was only because she wasn't whining to be let in as per usual.

I panicked and threw open the door only to find her sitting with her back towards me, perfectly still.

Either rigor mortis had set in...or that pesky squirrel up in the tree next door was playing games with her heart.

After twenty more minutes of complete and motionless focus...

...she gave up the fight and came back inside.

Be warned, squirrel. She knows you're out there. She won't soon forget your taunting.

My Happy Rant.

Preface:

I'm not bragging.

There is no way that, in the midst of an economical down-turn, not only have I managed to hang on to my full-time job, but have also secured two other side jobs were it not for a small miracle. Just today, I was able to pay off three of my bills that have been outstanding for quite some time (not with credit cards - with money).

This is a big deal to me.

The background? I was at a point where I was not able to keep up with all my bills - certainly not able to make a dent in what I owed. I prayed. I prayed hard. I said, "Lord - I'll do what it takes, but please open a door for me."

A week later, I got a part-time job that eighty other people applied for. A week after that a project that had been stagnant for six months re-surfaced and now has me busy almost every weekend. It's a lot of work. But I am SO grateful. SO. Grateful.

See? Small miracle. Does the Lord have more important things to do than make ways for me to pay off my old mistakes? Yes. But they were weighing me down big time - and He cares about that.

This is a bit of a rant, a nice and happy one. I'm encouraged and I hope you are too.

If you aren't encouraged yet, may the following image lighten your load.

Entrepreneurship at it's Finest.

It was a busy day for my family and I on Saturday. After twenty years of service in the US Army, Dad retired. We had a little BBQ for him and it was wonderful.

Amidst the hustle and bustle (i.e. run to the store for extra ice and hot dog buns) - I spot these two boys in their driveway with the world's cutest lemonade/soda pop stand. It was complete with it's own hand-painted sign:

I opted for the buy two sodas get one water free deal. The soda came in cans - the water in a little dixie cup. "You're our first customer." My heart melted. And then I decided to exploit the little salesmen. "So if I'm your first customer, does that mean I can take your picture?" "Yes, sure!" Then he yelled at his brother, "Hey! She wants to take our picture - get over here!" Anything for a paying customer.

"Now, I need you guys to smile big and wave."